These words emerged from me this morning as I was meditating. I have been for some time overly caught up in the craziness of life–feeling that my life was just ‘up in the air’. I have been waiting for everything to fall into place, so that I can get a grasp on things. That is the problem, really–my trying to grasp at life, to control it. I often find my head spinning with all kinds of non-sense. I am always questioning myself–Am I on the right track? Am I prepared enough, smart enough, able to trust my discernment? Do I have any clue what-so-ever about anything that is going on in my life? Mostly, I have no idea. I have no idea where life will take me or what might be waiting around the next corner. And the most difficult part has been facing the fact that I really have very little control over any of it.
In that past, I have become a master at forming plans for myself, laying down a path for myself step by step in careful detail. But then, without fail, I look down and the ground beneath me has shifted, and my path is nowhere to be found. Sometimes, this is maddening, frustrating, and terrifying. I feel powerless and defeated. But other times I have a different feeling about all of this, like this morning.
I sat and took some breath. I let the air come through me. I let go of my mental grip on ‘my life’ (whatever that is). I recognized this difficulty I was having. I thought deeply about what it is I want, whittling it down into its essential elements: I want love, I want peace, and I want harmony in the biggest and best ways I can possibly express. Every dream of mine comes from these essences–the work I want to do, the family I want to have, my dreams of travelling, time to myself, etc. are all expressions of the love, peace, and harmony that I am trying to connect to within myself.
I think my frustration comes from focusing on the wrong things. It does not matter how I bring peace into my life, nor who or what I love, nor does it matter which part of life I find harmony with at any particular moment. My focus has been on the ‘hows’, when it needs only to be on the deepest ‘what’. When I do my job of focusing on my deepest ‘what’, the universe always does its job by providing a perfect ‘how’. I need to remember this more often. So, I asked myself “what do I want today?”
My intention is for peace.
In every interaction I make today, my intention is for peace.
In every thought, feeling, word, and deed, my intention is for peace.
In the mysterious unfolding of life today, my only intention is for peace.
Nothing in the world matters to me but peace today.